So, Nursing has taken over almost every avenue in my life. It seems, at least for the period of time that school is priority, that nursing must be the primary focus at all times in order to not fall behind. I have done this to the best of my ability and will continue to do so (and hopefully become a nurse in April of 2021). Due to therapy and speaking with other nurses, i have found that there’s a lot of darkness and psychological damage that can come from this particular line of work. Death, chronic illness, cancer, etc. are all a part of what we do and it only makes sense that this stuff starts to wear on you. In my previous post, I reflected on my 2 week hiatus from work, school, home, and other stressors. During this time (and reflection with my therapist), I learned that I have become very good at compartmentalizing but not very good at balance. I am 0-100, all the time. I burnout, but then continue to keep going. I am not the only one.

Emergency Medicine has stolen my heart in more ways than one. I love that you never know what is going to walk through the front door or come in by medic and you just have to react to it. There’s never a whole lot of time to deliberate about the best course of action or where the patient needs to go. It happens and you have to move or the patient dies. I love the adrenaline, but more importantly, I love that everyone is practicing to the best of their ability and working together. Realistically or unrealistically (depending on who is reading this), I would like to go further than nursing. I love nursing, i really do, but I want to know the “why” behind things. I wrote this in a clinical eval a couple of weeks ago, “Area of improvement: I have a tendency to get caught up in the "why?" when sometimes the only answer is "because it does." Nothing drives me nuts more than not knowing why or how something works and there is so much in nursing that is just kinda like, " yup, this works and nope we don't totally know why". I am learning to get more comfortable with this but it has definitely been an interesting ride. I do appreciate that there is an Evidence based practice push, but in the real world of nursing there is still a lot of, Idk it just works and I want to know WHY. I guess it helps that I work in the ER though haha.” I would love to continue on a pursue a career as a DO, but we will see. I have no idea what these next couple of years have in store for me but I am gonna ride the wave.

What else do I like, exactly?

Well, I enjoy Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. This is a martial art that is focused on leveling the playing field for the smaller competitors. I appreciate the fact that this particular sport focuses less on becoming the more dominant opponent but rather becoming the smarter opponent who learns how to use the other persons attacks against them.

I enjoy chess ( or at least I have been finding enjoyment in re-learning the game of chess).

Climbing has also stolen my heart because it requires perseverance and determination to want to get better and climb higher or more difficult routes. I am not a good climber whatsoever and I do not ever plan on being one. I will enjoy the ride though.

I like filmmaking. I went to school to become a filmmaker but I learned it just was not in the cards for me. I am not built like the ones who succeed, I am built like the ones that try and eventually give up. I know this and have accepted this about myself so I went for my other love and have found the success I was hoping to find.

OVERALL - the hiatus was much needed and I appreciated the relaxation and time for self-reflection that it provided me. I am ready to keep moving forward and I am excited to see how 2021 goes in comparison to the year that 2020 has been.

Thanks for reading:)

Jonathan