First off, happy 2021!
I refuse to call it new year because I am getting a very “same shit, different day” kind of vibe but we will see.

As I write this, I am sitting at my dining room table at my dads waiting for my parents to wake up so I can get my stuff to then drive to my moms house and shower and then (hopefully) sleep. *for all you English majors out there unhappy with my long run-on sentence - you may kindly fuck thyself because I don’t care.

I gotta be honest. The holidays didn’t feel like the holidays, this year. I can’t tell if it was the fact that I’ve worked EVERY SINGLE MAJOR HOLIDAY or just the fact that I couldn’t really sleep too well through any of them but I had a hard time really enjoying myself and relaxing. Part of this was because my normal place to rest and sleep was commandeered outside my control and therefore I had to make other arrangements that messed with my functioning routine. I am leaning more toward being tired as the cause of my lukewarm feelings about this particular Christmas because, let’s face it, it’s really hard to be happy and joyous when you can’t really sleep.

I will say, the holidays did hammer home why I am so ready to live on my own (and I wish I had the financial capabilities to do so, but alas). I love my family, I really do, but it frustrates me that I continuously bust my ass at work to take care of people and I come home and have to bend over backwards and be super flexible for everyone. I am happy to do it, I really am. I just don’t want to do it forever. I am getting burnt out on always having to be the person who is flexible and willing to adapt when a significant portion of those I am around just aren’t.

i am much less frustrated after sleeping, which is not a surprise.

sorry for the rant, but I was feeling it at the time.

happy new year

jonathan